Why I’m Choosing to Let Him Go

I’ve lost count of how many times people have suggested that I should keep Billy Bob. I also don’t know how many times I’ve had to share the link to my “Why You Shouldn’t Suggest Fosters to Keep a Foster” post just to avoid hearing it over and over again. Most people were supportive and understood why I didn’t want others telling me to keep Billy Bob (or any foster, for that matter). But of course, there were some who were openly unkind or hurtful about my request.

I’m sharing a few screenshots so that you see what I deal with on daily basis and writing this blog might give you a better insight on why those comments really affect me, especially this time with Billy Bob. Just for the record, our rescue doesn’t pay salaries — every donation goes directly toward caring for our kitties.

Love at First Sight

I wasn’t planning on rescuing another kitten while I still had the Fruit girls — Mango, Kiwi, and Peaches. They were getting ready for adoption, I had plans to remodel the kitten room, and my husband and I had booked a special getaway at a little ranch. Then I received an email from a local shelter about a single ginger kitten who needed rescue. One blurry photo of that little orange baby immediately reminded me of GB as a kitten.

(First photo: Billy Bob at the shelter Second photo: Baby GB)

This little boy tugged at my heart, but we were leaving for vacation very soon. My husband and I decided to wait and see if another rescue would step up — but nobody did. So, just before the deadline, I told the shelter we would take him.

When I arrived at the shelter, the staff handed me a cardboard box with holes. I could hear loud complaints coming from inside. As I opened it to transfer the kitten into a comfy carrier, I gasped. The sunlight hit his piercing blue eyes as he looked up at me — those eyes were out of this world, glowing against his magnificent orange fluff. For a moment, I was completely spellbound, the same way GB enchanted me. I shook it off, tucked him safely into the carrier, and headed home. He cried nonstop for a while until I smelled that familiar “uh-oh” scent from the backseat — after that, he was totally quiet. When we arrived home, I opened the carrier to find him flat on his back, sound asleep. At least one of us was comfortable… and at least he had solid poop!

Naming Billy Bob

It took us the longest time to name this kitten. We had family meetings, I asked followers to vote, and I went back and forth on so many ideas. You’ll probably understand soon why I had a hard time deciding on his name. His shelter name was Billy, and I wasn’t crazy about it. And for some reason, “Bob” sounded funny for such a gorgeous kitten — so temporarily, I started calling him Billy Bob, which stuck.

A couple of weeks later, it was finally time for the “nannies,” GB and Phoebe, to meet him. Phoebe loves every kitten. GB prefers older ones, but he tolerates babies — and if he’s not comfortable, he simply removes himself.

But when GB met Billy Bob…GB hissed. He had never done that before. Billy wasn’t being invasive; something about him just rubbed GB the wrong way — and I had really hoped they’d become buddies, at least until we could find another kitten his age.

The Biting, the Gagging, and the Injury

Billy Bob looked healthy from the outside, but he had quirks that needed investigating. He used to gag while eating, so I consulted multiple vets. One suspected a throat polyp, but he was too young for a proper exam. Later, we learned there was no polyp at all — and thankfully, the gagging eventually stopped.

He was also a serious hand-biter — not playful kitten nips, but defensive snapping when we reached toward him from above or behind. It made me wonder whether someone had once handled him roughly.

In the beginning, he would suddenly scream out of the blue — it sounded like someone was hurting him. We would rush over and find him sitting there, confused, with nobody else around. It was as if he were having a bad dream while awake. This happened on and off. My vet did a full exam, including X-rays, and discovered a soft-tissue injury at the base of his tail. A short course of anti-inflammatory medication helped — and I couldn’t help but wonder whether the pain, combined with whatever he had experienced in the past, shaped the way he reacted to hands.

It took weeks of redirection, ignoring the biting, and rewarding licking before he began to relax. Socializing with the Fruit girls helped too. Peaches — also a former singleton with bitey tendencies — had learned bite inhibition from Mango and Kiwi, and she passed that lesson down to her foster brother. I loved watching that full-circle learning.

GB & Billy Bob — Oil and Water

GB stayed aloof. I used lots of counter-conditioning training with treats to help him build positive associations with Billy Bob. He warmed up — but there was still no cuddling or playing.

GB likes to groom kittens, and it’s usually his gentle way of “parenting” them. Most kittens eventually surrender to it — and even enjoy it.

Not Billy.

Billy would bite — tail swishing, ears pinned, ready to pounce — or he’d try to groom 11-lb GB like an equal. Eventually, GB would just walk away. Billy, however, adored Peaches. They wrestled and cuddled every day. And sometimes, Billy would still come back to GB, pestering him. They just didn’t mesh.

After the Fruit girls were adopted, it was just GB and Billy Bob. GB kept his distance — and my heart sank a little. I secretly hoped they’d become bonded brothers. GB has always been a bit of a loner who prefers me over anyone else — and I don’t mind that one bit. But as he matures, it’s getting harder to get him to play. I’d been thinking for a while that if the right kitten came along — one GB would play with — we’d consider keeping him for GB.

Magic Cabin

We ended up taking Billy Bob on our ranch getaway — two people, two dogs (one not thrilled about kittens), and two ginger boys. we packed every management tool and toy imaginable to prevent any issues…but it ended up being magical.

Billy was confident. Sweet. Respectful. He even slept on my husband’s chest, and everything was peaceful.

And one night — GB finally let his guard down.

They played. And played. And played.

I cried happy tears watching GB experience what I’d been wishing for — a feline playmate. For a moment, I wondered if Billy Bob might actually be the one for GB.

Returning Home — Reality Check

But once we got home, things slipped back into the old rhythm.

Billy was still too much. The energy mismatch returned, and GB disengaged again. Shortly after we got back, we rescued another single kitten so that Billy could have a playmate — beautiful Peggy Sue, a shy tortico girl who eventually connected with Billy. At first, Billy was a bit overwhelming for Peggy Sue, but with some guidance and intervention, they quickly became buddies.

I started to see a reality I didn’t want to face:

Billy Bob probably wasn’t meant for GB.

And as the friendship between Billy and Peggy blossomed, the truth became harder to ignore.

As I prepared their adoption application, something shifted. Billy finally let go of his control. He stopped fighting when GB tried to groom him. I wasn’t sure that was ever going to happen. It was beautiful to witness this strong-willed kitten shut his eyes and finally relax into one of the most intimate rituals cats share. And then, Billy groomed GB back — a rare sight. I let out a long sigh.

If we could have kept Billy for another two months, I’m pretty confident they would have grown close — similar to how GB eventually warmed up to Apollo, a former foster. Apollo wanted to be with GB from the beginning, but GB was distant at first. As Apollo matured, they became fast friends — playing as equals and cuddling together. He was the last of six kittens to be adopted and ended up staying with us until he was five months old.

But we couldn’t keep Billy for another two months “just to see what happens.” That wouldn’t be fair to him — or to Peggy. As my husband would say, “That’s not what we do.”

Why didn’t we keep Apollo? I wasn’t ready to fill that spot yet — and GB was still more playful back then. If a cat like him — compatible with GB — shows up again, I would consider keeping him or her.

GB’s Decision

Bringing another cat into our family would require serious thought. I value deep, individual relationships with each of my animals. I want to give every one of them the best medical care, nutrition, enrichment, and attention possible.

A fourth kid would change everything — finances, travel, household dynamics, existing relationships — all of it.

I’ve always said:

I want the next cat we adopt to be for GB.

We adopted BB for BB (because she likely wouldn’t have survived if we didn’t). We kept Phoebe for BB (the best thing that ever happened to BB). And we kept GB for Phoebe — and for me. So it’s GB’s turn.

Not for me. Not because I fall in love
Not because of pressure from strangers on the Internet
For GB.

And even then — only if the bond was natural and undeniable.

Doing What’s Best for Everyone

When the right family finally applied to adopt Billy Bob and Peggy together, I felt relief — and grief — at the same time. I struggled with the conflict within me.

I asked the potential adopters to give me a little time so I could be certain about my decision. I had never done that before, and thankfully the family was very understanding. I wanted to test their compatibility — not just between GB and Billy, but within our home. What I don’t want is for GB to feel like he lost his spot or for the perfect balance we currently have to change.

In the perfect scenario, GB and the new kitty would play and cuddle. He or she would also be close to my husband, so he can have his special kitty too. To be honest, I was allowing myself to have extra time to confirm that we weren’t meant to keep Billy. Maybe my heart already knew what the right thing was. But if I hadn’t tried, I would have always wondered about the “what ifs.”

One of the things I did was take a nap with GB, Phoebe, and Billy Bob. GB sleeps on me every night — something I very much look forward to — and I was afraid that if there was another kitty on the bed, he might leave and stop cuddling with me. To my surprise, both GB and Billy slept on me. I was elated… but at the same time I thought, “Oh no — now what?”

My husband and I sat down and talked until I had clarity.

Why did I want to keep Billy Bob?

Because he reminded me of GB. But why do I need another cat that reminds me of GB? I have GB.
Because Billy Bob intrigued me with his unique personality.
Because he had me at “meow”.

But those were my reasons.

Not GB’s.
Not my husband’s.
I was being selfish.

Rule of Cs

I have a rule that I try to follow — and that I also recommend to others who are looking for a companion.

Compatibility
Chemistry
Character

There was chemistry — yes, with me.
But compatibility for GB? No… not at the level he has with Peggy Sue.

And that was the most important thing.

I had clarity.

Billy Bob should have his own family…
and Peggy Sue should be part of it.

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My Heart Kitty

Maybe GB will never want a forever feline sibling. Maybe he’ll simply enjoy the rotating foster friends who pass through our home.

Or maybe — one day — the right cat will happen for him.

My heart hurts a little thinking about the day I have to let this crazy ginger snap go. He’s challenged me, intrigued me, and definitely kept me on my toes! But it’s time for him and Peggy Sue to start a new chapter with their own family.

And guess what? GB is everything I could ever want in a cat. He is my heart kitty.

That kind of soul-level love only comes around a few times in a lifetime. I had it once before with Jazzy, my first Border Collie — and now again with GB.

So for now, we’ll keep helping the ones who need us most — loving them, and then letting them go when it’s time. I want good, deserving people to experience the kind of love I’ve found in GB. It’s an incredible feeling to be part of that. That’s one of the reasons… Why We Foster.

Here’s another blog post I wrote after we decided to adopt GB. https://bordernerd.com/2023/09/23/the-right-decisions/