Finn’s story

Last Summer, I brought home one of the most beautiful Border Collies I had ever met. His last owner surrendered him to an animal control knowing that all owner surrender animals were to be put down first. He had the most amazing and focused brown eyes but he also came with variety of behavioral issues. When I evaluated him a week prior I had  concerns and I already had another foster dog that was returned by a previous adopter. I asked if anyone else in the rescue world would be willing to take this dog — knowing that he would be a long term project. Nobody stepped up…and I didn’t blame them. If I were reading my plea, I wasn’t sure if I would have taken him either. When you take a dog like him, you are not only faced with a long term responsibilities and commitment but you are also closing the door to other dying dogs in shelters — that are more adoptable. This is why I don’t like evaluating dogs at a high kill shelter. After meeting a dog and being told that his life/death was in my hands, how could I leave him behind and get him killed? I went through the same thing before. And just look at this face. How could I have? So while I had concerns, I still took him home. I named him “Finn”.

First day, he snapped at me for lifting his paw to untangle a leash. He snapped at me again at the vet when I tried to comfort him. He growled and snarled at me around his food and in his crate. He whined and barked all day during the detox period. I became sensitized to any whining after that. There were more than a few inappropriate words out of my usually-G-rated-mouth. He growled and lunged at people and other dogs. He peed every time he saw my husband. He had diarrhea in his crate days and nights. He had an endless energy and he didn’t know how to release it. For 6 weeks, he never stopped moving in the house unless he was in the crate. I can go on and on…

Euthanasia was on the table once, maybe twice. As a responsible rescuer and a trainer, I had to consider the safety of the community, adopter and our liability. But I just couldn’t do it. In my professional opinion, he was not aggressive. (“one that has hostile behaviors or actions with intent to harm”) He was defensive and fearful and his fear was man-made. He learned to snarl to protect himself and his things. I purposely pushed him before making him available for adoption just to be sure. I knew in my heart that he never wanted to hurt or fight with anyone if he didn’t have to. I had to at least keep trying until I couldn’t do it anymore.

After months of hard work, He was starting to turn a corner and transform into a dog with an amazing impulse control, focus, motivation, affection, tolerance and even an ability to relax — concept he never knew before. Many people wanted to adopt him after learning about his issues. (Most of them ignored his issues because they fell in love with his gorgeous face.) Sadly I either had to reject them because they weren’t the right fit or something went wrong at the last minute of adoption…always did. They had to move to another country, their other dog became ill, they didn’t pass the home check, landlord issues, and most of them had children even though this is the first thing his bio says – “NO CHILDREN”. When I get my hopes up, they always got crashed and my heart sunk deeper each time. Two applicants begged me to release him to them but my gut said not to. I was told to “take the leap of faith, it’s time to let him go”. I was extremely offended by that. They had no idea what I was going through in my personal life and I desperately needed to find him a home. Around that time, my husband had left me. I didn’t even know if I was going to have my house in the next few months. I was so close to quitting the fostering all together. The weaker part of me almost picked up the phone and asked one of the rejected applicants to just take him. But I knew it wasn’t the right thing to do. I had waited so patiently, why give up now knowing it was going to fail? I kept telling myself, just a few more weeks…”the one” would knock on the door for Finn. If I didn’t give up or settle, then I should eventually find the right home for him.

One day, “the ones” knocked on the door for him. No children, local, experienced with herding breeds and behavior issues. Finn took to them very quickly. I can’t tell you exactly what made me think that this was going to be the right match. It just felt right. The most important thing was that they were willing to take the time. So with this couple, I decided to take the “leap of faith”. I learned not to get my hopes up because they were crashed too many times…and it almost happened again. I received a familiar message from this couple saying “Sorry, we can’t take him after all”. I was devastated. I cried in the bathroom at work and asked why nothing in my life was working out. I prayed and asked for strength then plead them to reconsider. Turned out it was a misunderstanding and we were back on track. I think I grew a few grey hair that day.

The day before the big day, I took him and my dogs to “Finn’s park” for possibly their last outing as a trio. I snapped this image because they looked so content and beautiful. I captioned this “Finn cracking sheep jokes at Jazzy. Cooper pretends like he gets it too…” It’s perfect because Finn is such a silly and goofy comedian.

On the big day, he was stressed but still managed to show affection to them. This was the first time in months he didn’t show any interest in toys and the water hose — all due to stress. They didn’t push him and understood that he was overwhelmed. They were kind and Finn responded to that.

After leaving him there with a signed adoption contract, I nervously stared at my phone all night. Whenever the phone beeped, I cringed. I received too many “Come get him, we don’t want him anymore” messages in the last year and half for the two dogs I fostered. I learned to expect the worst. Last family who adopted Finn gave me a big hug and said he had a forever home. He was returned a week later in a worse condition.

Well, I received several messages from this couple, including a video of him picking new toys and a picture below. I bawled in my car and watched the short video over and over.

I asked nervously “I guess he’s a keeper?” “Most definitely”. They already spent $600 on toys, food etc. I still had my guard up but it was slowly coming down. I kept his bowls, bones, bed and toys out for at least a few weeks not to jinx it,

 

When I foster dogs, I don’t treat them as my own. My job is to train them, give them structure and find them the best home possible. I block off my emotions and I try not to get myself attach to them. A few times I almost allowed Finn up on the bed for a snuggle but I controlled myself not to. You might disagree but that’s how I deal with it. I think it makes the transition easier on dogs too. The house is so quiet without him. I miss seeing his bright and ready eyes in the morning. I never thought I’d miss him the way I did. Despite all the pains and challenges, he somehow found a way into my heart.

If I knew how challenging this was going to be when I put him in the back of my car, would I still have have rescued him? I know there are many rescuers out there with long term fosters, some even longer than a year. I have sacrificed a lot and I know they have too. My dogs and my husband suffered because of the decisions I made. If I didn’t save him, he would have been “one more dog” among millions that were being put down. I still don’t know if I’d do this again but I know he’s alive and happy today because of the choices I made, and he’s making two people very happy. And at this point, that’s what matters to me. I personally know what dogs can do to your spirit. They heal your heart, make you smile on your worst day and really teach you the patience and unconditional love.

I’ll be taking a break from rescuing indefinitely. Rescuing is not for the weak heart. Maybe I am not strong enough for this or I just need some time off while I sort out my personal issues. I have so much respect and admiration for the fellow rescuers. But now I need to focus on my life and my two most important dogs in the world. Be a good boy for me and have a wonderful life Finn.